Back in my runner days, I had a long list of accomplishments. Six marathons, countless half-marathons and 10ks, triathlons where the run didn’t even start until after noon on a humid summer day. I’m still very proud of those finishes. A 4:15 marathon time is nothing to scoff at. And the training that I put into those races was admirable.

However, when talking about these feats, I would always say that my MOST PROUD physical accomplishment is (and has always been) the first time that I ran 30 minutes solid without taking a break. The accomplishment I felt that day, in my late twenties and after months and months of walk/runs that started at a 1 minute run to 3 minute walk ratio while pacing my breathing to my steps, was huge…. way huger than even crossing the finish line of the Big Sur marathon which was a life-changing race. Running for 30 minutes without stopping (and feeling I could continue on) was a milestone that opened up a brand new world. I’d become a runner and I benefited from this practice exponentially.

Fast-forward a couple of decades and here I am back to square one. Sorta. Though various life stages and challenges, physical injuries and lack of training time, my running came to a stop somewhere towards the beginning of the pandemic. I had developed some intense low back pain that could be triggered by even the chillest of dog walks and I embarked on a journey with a postural physical therapist. At that time, my husband and I were prepping to hike the High Sierra trail in later summer 2020, so my focus was one being healthy and strong for that activity. James and I never did ended up making the High Sierra trek that summer due to wildfires, but we did begin backpacking more regularly and at a more advanced level. The work that I did in PT during that time addressed a weak core and made me strong enough to hike with 30-40 lbs on my back, up inclines and for long durations of time with minimized pain. It was a success. It was also a long break from running due to the shifted focus.

Given that history, let’s state my current truth: I am pretty much back to square one as a want-to-be runner. I am 24YO me with a 51YO body. Or, at least, that’s where I was in April, two months ago.

The thing is, I missed running. I missed it SO MUCH. When I see runners around the lake or on the parkway, I’m flooded with envy. It transports me back to those days, makes me yearn for it. Running used to do so much for me. It was a stress reliever. It was the most convenient workout requiring the smallest amount of time and least amount of equipment. It got me outdoors regularly. It gave me time in my head to ponder and process (and plan blog posts!). It was a very important part of my life that has been missing for a while.

That’s why, in April, I decided to try it again. I knew my approach needed to be different to make it stick as well as be realistic in terms of my physical capabilities. I couldn’t just throw on my shoes and pound the pavement. I’d tried that and it never ended well. Within a mile, my calves would be screaming. I also don’t have the cardio engine that I used to. And, omg, the shin sprints were INSANE. I, in my 50s, am just not in a place where I can pick up where I left off like no time had passed. My body has changed and I have way more in common with 20-something year old me than I have had in quite some time.

The new approach I’m taking for my return to running? Peloton. That shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone who knows me. I’ve been a huge fan of Peloton from the beginning. But then the pandemic (like a lot of us) really got me into their other activities beyond cycling. They have a You Can Run 8-week program for beginners that literally starts at square 1. What I also like about the program is that it only requires 2-workouts per week which makes it super accessible. With my schedule and work obligations, sometimes it’s hard to commit to programs that require a 4-5 day/ week participation to advance through so I appreciated the simplicity of just 2 dedicated program times a week, especially starting out at only 20 minutes a workout. This program made the concept of running again, which I found intimidating, seem possible.

And so it began.

Usually on Wednesday afternoons and Saturday mornings, I laced up and headed to the gym for the workouts. I liked that the program is on a treadmill allowing me to focus in on pacing and speed with easy access to my water bottle. Watching the adorable trainers on my phone? That’s also a bonus. And with the short 20-minute workouts at the beginning, I would often tack on an extra 10 minutes of walking for extra cardio and another 10 minutes of a walking to cool down. Peloton makes these super easy to add on with their various formats. I would also always follow with a stretch at the end.

And it happened. I put in the time. I put in the work.

The first classes started with little intervals of 1-2-3 minutes of jogging and running with ample recoveries in between. The first few times that went over 5 or 6 minutes, my calves would fire up again and begin to yell at me. But I’m happy to report that it didn’t last. After a few weeks, it got better.

I’m still not at a place where I can run for 30 minutes straight. My final workout was yesterday – the program’s pinnacle 30-minute run. The goal was 30 minutes straight and I didn’t do it. But, you know what? I was close and I’m so proud of how I did. I took two 1-minute walk breaks, the first after 10 minutes, the second after another 10. I also would jump to the side rails of the treadmill for water breaks a handful of times. It was for water, but it was also a 5-10 second rest. But even with those little recoveries, I’m damn proud of how I did and I feel like its made running for me a possibility again. My calves weren’t screaming bloody murder. I found a pace (albeit much slower than my race days) that keeps my heart rate in control and at zone 3 or under. I also have a new confidence that I haven’t had in a long time through this work. The fact that I feel like I can possibly take a little run outside now or log onto any 20-minute Peloton run class is a new level unlocked from where I was in early April. Eep.

I do want to share a few key tools that I learned to use throughout the program and helped me achieve this goal.

First, and it should be no surprise, there was a lot of focus on establishing difference paces. Conversation pace. Jogging pace. Running pace. Even 5k/10k/Half-Marathon/Marathon paces. These are all different. And while I have experience with all these paces, I’m at a much different endurance and fitness level now. It was necessary for me to figure out what these are for me now. This took some trial and error. The first few classes, I went out too fast. I thought my conversation pace should be a 5 mph pace or higher which it was in the past. But, at current, that pace burned through all the lactic acid in my legs in minutes and left me in pain and with nothing to give. I had to slow down. Slow WAY down. Where I ended up? Probably around a 4.2/4.3 mph for this convo pace. That is where I could finally sustain efforts for longer than 4 or 5 minutes. Even more humbling, I found that my recovery or easy jog pace was a low 3.7/3.8 mph! I can walk at that pace! But I think it was Selena Samuela who suggested finding this kind of recovery jog pace that is a fast walk so it can be something you could dip in and out of as needed. This tip from Selena helped me achieve my first 10-12 minute block of running at about week 6 of the program. It’s still a tough pill to swallow to run this slow given my history. But if I stick to training, I’ll get faster. It will naturally happen. Slowing way down is going to be my way through and I’m here for it. I just needed to check my ego.

The second big learning from the program and something I’d never heard before is about cadence. A cadence of ~180 footfalls per minute is an ideal approach to running safely and effectively especially if the goal is to make running a life long habit. Supposedly this came from a study of Olympic athletes. At this cadence, your legs spin more like rotating wheels and it can reduce the risk of injury and make you more efficient. I think it was Becs Gentry who led this training run and talked through the methodology. She also said that not every runner needs to hit this 180 number exactly. Everyone is a little different and look to find your sweet spot in a range of between 170 to 190 steps-per-minute as a reasonable approach. This class came with running to the rhythm of a metronome timing footfalls to the clicks. As I did this, I realized this was a quicker cadence than I’ve ever run at before. But I could also feel a difference in impact almost immediately. This quicker turnover did feel gentler on my body. The crazy thing about this approach? It’s REGARDLESS OF PACE. You can run a 6-minute mile like this and a 14-minute mile like this. During the workout, Becs had us testing it out and it was true. I managed to run at this cadence at 4.0, 5.0 and 6.0 mph! So crazy.

This quicker turnover and focus on an increase of steps-per-minute became a super useful tool for me during the remainder of the program. Anytime that I felt I was struggling to keep going, I would consider my cadence (which often slowed down subconsciously) and I’d aim back to the 170-190 SPM that I learned and I’d feel some relief! Seriously. It’s a game changer. I’m excited to take this one out on the road… literally.

Finally, the last thing that I want to touch on was my mantra during this program. It’s something I started back in February/March went I began returning to yoga classes in person at the club.

((What a minute? I thought she was talking about running? What’s this about yoga? Hold the thought and go with me for a minute…))

I started back to yoga in person and I was super nervous about it after a few years of a regular at-home practice. I didn’t quit yoga, but I was doing shorter workouts at home which isn’t a heated studio. I was also often selecting beginner level classes because I felt like that was where I was at in the moment. The idea of being in a (likely heated!) studio amongst a very fit set of gym rat-yogis flowing it out with all their binds and pushups and birds-of-paradise poses was intimidating! I may be 51 and not give a lot of fucks, but I still do get intimidated… especially when I’m often the only woman my size and age in these studios (and I am – it’s true). Still, I wanted to have an in-person practice again. There are so many benefits to that. It pushes me to go harder than I would at home. It gives me real-time feedback from the instructor. It’s a sense of real community. It also comes with a bonus of hitting the steam room and/or Life Cafe afterwards for a smoothie, lol. I like in-person classes. I wanted to be back. But I was scared. And when I’m scared, I come up with excuses not to do it.

So, I told myself to buck up. Put on my big girl panties. Remember it doesn’t matter what other people think and, goodness gracious, I’ve been doing yoga for 20+ years! I know how to modify this shit! I have my blocks. I know the shapes my body doesn’t like and I can DO MY OWN THING. So that was step one.

But step two?

That was the mantra. I started reminding myself that it doesn’t matter how much of a class that I can’t complete or can’t do, just showing up is progress. Showing up means that I will leave that class stronger than I was before it happened. Showing up means progress, however little or small that may be. And, wow. Can I tell you how much that helped? Any day that I didn’t feel like showing up to a class that I registered for, I’d remind myself of this. Any time I felt like I couldn’t make it through all of class, I’d say to myself, “You are making progress. Being here is progress. It doesn’t matter if you lay down and do child’s pose for half the class, being here will make you stronger.” And since then, I’ve really been good about my in-person attendance and I can feel my rotations getting better, my chaturangas getting stronger and my confidence overall in taking up space in the studio improve.

Taking this back to running, it was around week 3 when the jog/run intervals started to exceed 3-4 minutes. That’s when my negative, quitter brain emerged to convince myself that I couldn’t do this, told me all the reasons that the program wouldn’t work. And the prevailing argument my quitter brain had was that if I couldn’t complete an internal, I couldn’t complete the program. That’s what she was telling me. Give up now. Why try? You can’t do this.

But when I dug into her rationale, I also realized that my quitter brain was of the mindset that, if I couldn’t do it perfectly, I shouldn’t be doing it at all. Which is so incorrect on so many levels. But that’s when my yoga mantra floated back in. The mantra had begin to instill in me a deeper belief, a stronger ethos. This is about progress not perfection.

Just being here on the treadmill. Just trying to run longer than 4 minutes straight was doing something. This practice, these workouts were making me stronger in a way that not doing them at all could not. So what if I can’t complete a 30-minute run at the end of this program? I couldn’t do that any way. But I can try. I can step up to the plate. I can put myself out there. And I can practice. Doing that will get me closer, and if getting closer to the thing is the goal, that is A-Okay.

Any day that I didn’t feel like I could complete the training run or that I was scared of what the workout preview said we’d be doing, I would tell myself, “If you can’t do it, it’s okay. Do what you can.” I learned to take the recovery when needed. I know I can always do the program again. The goal here isn’t to do it perfectly. It’s to do it to the best of my ability. And if I can do that, I promise, I’ll be stronger the end for it.

And I am.

So there you go. Program complete. Case closed. Tomorrow will be my first run workout on the loose and I’m so proud and happy and feeling accomplished – just like after all those races in my former life. It’s always about the journey, isn’t it?

Thanks for reading. 🙂