I find it surprising that time can pass just as quickly while not working as it does when fully employed. Originally, when I thought about what a 6-month sabbatical would look like, I imagined agenda-less days sprawling out in front of me. Cups of coffee drunk leisurely out on my patio, long walks with the dogs, plenty of time for my infrared sauna, baths and so much writing.

The reality is that the days fly by just as quickly and I’ve not spent much time writing at all. I have not been drinking coffee on my deck (which, side note, makes me think I should close my laptop right this moment to take my coffee outside. We are, after all, in these early autumnal weeks where the temperatures are still in quite warm and winter feels like a distant dream). It is wild to me to know that I am officially halfway through my 6-month sabbatical. HALFWAY! Just typing that word fills me with existential dread because I worry that I’m not using this time to its fullest extent. I’ve spent decades imagining what I would do with such a big time chunk of time off and how meaningful and pivotal it would be. Now that I’m 90 days in, what do I have to show for it?

Another side note: I did talk this through with my therapist and, per usual, she says I’m holding myself up to unrealistic standards because I’ve always been an over-achiever and I need to give myself some grace. She reminded me the point off of this time off is *not* to be an over-productive so I need to stop with the unrealistic expectations. I can allow myself to rot if I want to… for a day, for a week. It’s fine.

But checking in at 90 days, it doesn’t feel fine. I worry that I haven’t done enough. But aside from a few afternoons of 3 back-to-back episodes of RHOP, I haven’t really rotted either. I digress.

The question I came to the keyboard to answer is “90 days, what have I done with it?”

**Inhales deeply…. exhales deeply… **

I have done stuff. Yes, the time has flown by. I may not have a new app or a curated portfolio to present to you as artifacts. What I do have, though, are thoughts and ideas and insights gleaned from my conversations, coffees, and meet/greets. A small fire is being lit inside. A fire that still needs tending, but it’s building from the work and things that I have been doing.

With that mindset, let me share a few of the things that I’ve been doing during the first half of my leave:

(1) Conversations

While I’ve technically not been actively job seeking, I have been talking to people. I’ve reconnected with old colleagues, met new people as well as attended a few professional events (callout to Brave & Co, Collective Measures, RSP & Creative Mornings). A common theme that keeps coming up from all these meet/greets is that many are curious about how I landed here in my 6-month break and what I”m doing with it and my answer has been consistent: I’m just taking a break from the professional merry-go-round to breathe, enjoy and not let a gig occupy 50/60/80% of my brain for a bit as well as allow myself to focus on a few passion projects.

What I’m hearing in response to my answer is that this a common desire. I’m not the only one who needs a break. I also realize that I’m lucky to be able to make this respite happen resource-wise. There were some gambles made to get to where I landed. Not everyone has those opportunities available so, at a minimum, these convos are confirming how very grateful I am for this time. It is a gift.

Another common theme is a general consensus when I say that this stage of our careers (later 40s/early 50s entering the final 1/3 of our career life) is a time when there isn’t a lot of ego left. Many of us are past that need for impressive titles or other labels of status to demonstrate success. What is left is a desire to make an impact, create real work and see change. And while I don’t know what I’m going to do next, I know that it being meaningful is a mandatory. I have no regrets in my professional path to-date, but I don’t want to spend my next stage of work focused on Powerpoint presentations for leadership and other corporate theater. I want to spend this final chapter having my contribution grow something bigger whether it be a business, a mission or a product we don’t even know exists yet. It’s gotta be real. I’m over work for work’s sake, especially when it’s just to make some executive look good.

A third and final common theme that I’m seeing is a desire to keep learning. I get so annoyed on Tiktok when I see videos mocking Gen X because they don’t know how to print a PDF or are resistant to learning new ways of working. My first thought is, “hold on – did you really mean Gen X?” but then I stop myself before I hit the comments in defensiveness. It’s one creator’s lived experience and who am I to crush their content with my take? But because I made digital my career, learning is in my DNA. If I don’t know how to do it or how it works, I figure it out. I’m bored when things stay the same. I never want to be in a position where I am no longer exposing myself to new things on the regular. If I do want to survive the age of AI, it’s imperative to embrace understanding this new toolset and how it’s being adopted into the everyday. These are all core principles I feel deep in my core. And since this is a common topic of conversation with my colleagues, I realize that this is what makes my career transition so exciting. I was at my last company for 14 years! That was way too long. To my credit, I did move among a few roles within that time with the technology always changing, but it was too long spent for one organization if I’m truly being honest with myself. I’m excited for what’s next because it’s going to be NEW.

(2) Guitar Lessons

On the same theme of newness and learning, I’ve made concrete progress in the form of guitar lessons. The idea of learning a musical instrument has always been in the back of my head. But until now, I’ve never had the time nor space to fully indulge the thought. Therefore, it made sense when I knew I’d be taking time off professionally to pursue the desire. And by “pursue the desire”, I meant mentioning it enough for my husband to gift me an acoustic guitar for my birthday back in June. Lolz. He called my bluff.

Of course, picking up a guitar with no musical background other than a handful of piano lessons when I was 7 is… a lot. Very foreign. At first, I couldn’t even strum a string to make a decent sound. The beginner YouTube videos that I watched were of no help. So I did what I usually do when I’m stuck, I asked the internet for help.

Luckily, I have a lot of musically-inclined followers on my Instagram and a common recommendation for instruction was MacPhail. I submitted my request in July. In August, I was paired with an instructor. My first lesson was the first Tuesday in September and I’m committed to weekly, in-person 30 minute lessons through December.

This effort has been a humbling exercise. I have not tried to learn something new like this, from scratch, ever in my adult life. I have also not tried to learn something that I’m immediately not good at or can pick-up right away since I was a child. The strings are foreign to me. My fingers get lost. And what are frets? After my first lesson, I was feeling a whole lotta “what the fuck did I just get myself into?”

Despite the negative self talk, I reminded myself to trust the process and I’ve been doing just that. Now, four weeks in, my fingers are still pretty lost. But I have learned to make sounds from the strings. My fingers are starting to callus. I know the notes and where the frets are and I can play two songs very poorly: Seven Nation Army and Green Onions. I’m starting to progress into chords. I trying to teach my fingers to not flatten out on the strings and I’m embracing a type of learning that I haven’t since I was a kid. Learning a completely new skill is hard. We did it as children all the time, but never really as adults. I’m proving to myself it’s still possible. We can learn new things and that’s a fun muscle to flex.

(3) Reiki Level 2 Certification

Another new skill that I’ve embraced is Reiki Energy Healing. I was originally Reiki Level 1 certified back during the pandemic, but I didn’t have good chemistry with that instructor and I did nothing with the practice. However, in January when I felt the winds of my life shifting, I decided on a whim to get re-certified as Reiki Level 1. I attended a session at Green Lotus Healing Center led by the talented and ever-compassionate Jennifer Stano. After the session, I was hooked in a way that didn’t happen the first time.

Originally, when I got certified, I wasn’t sure what my plan was to use the skill. I was curious and wanted to learn. I figured the ability to self-heal at a minimum would be a bonus. But after making the transition to unemployment, I decided to move forward to level 2.

I attended the level 2 attunement and training in August and it was with a great group of people led again by Jennifer. With this second level, my energy aperture for healing is bigger and I can now send healing energy virtually. I still don’t know what I’m going to do yet with this power. I’m not sure if I’ll keep it as my own personal healing practice or will branch out to working with friends/clients. The latter intrigues me enough to maybe purchase a massage table so that I can start practicing regularly on those willing to be my guinea pigs. Net/net: I’m drawn enough to the power of this universal energy to continue my journey with it. I’m grateful for this time to fully embrace the discovery.

(4) Remodel Planning & Prepping

I must admit that there is one part time job that I do have during this sabbatical. That job is PM of our current home remodel. We’ve only remodeled once before in our home of 23 years. During that experience, I was beyond busy at work while also caring for my mom part-time while she was in hospice at home. It was not an enjoyable time and I’ve honestly blocked out a lot of it. We ate from of a slow cooker and microwave in our basement for 6 months and defaulted to showering at the gym. I was fortunate during that time to have a friend who helped us plan and coordinate with our builder. He even picked out our paint colors and hardware fixtures for our cabinets. I still remember returning from another weekend of hospice care towards the end of the project and my friend appeared in my home with bags of housewares to decorate. He’d picked the most delicious rugs and curtains and shelving for our bathroom and I’m still, to this day, so eternally thankful for that assist.

Fast-forward 7 years and we are ready to take on another project. I’m in an opposite space this time with an abundance of time and energy to devote to the tear-down and remodel of our upstairs 1/2 story. We are working with the same contractor and it’s been on me to choose and lead a lot of the “stuff” from planning where the walls go to determining the finish selections. I have mood boards and spreadsheets and so many links to Lowes, Wayfair and lighting sources. I went deep into door handles and wood planking for ceilings. And while this is a lot of work, it’s also been a lovely creative outlet. I’m excited to see it come to life.

This project also involves a lot of non-creative stuff like packing. That goes with the territory. And while I know this will be a disruptive chapter in our home life, it’s also incredibly exciting to imagine what life will be like with this new space. I’m so glad to be fully present for the planning of it.

(5) Listening/Reading Books

One thing that I’m happy to report is that this time has given me more space to consume literature. The self-critic inside is a little disgruntled that I haven’t read AS MUCH as I’d hoped, but my library card is getting heavy action and I’ve been listening to books as well which are great companions in the car. I’m typically a music listener in the car but I’ve found that some of my longer commutes pair perfectly with the Libby app.

Of my reads over the past 3 months, some highlights include:

• Dream Count by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: this sprawling novel brings to life the perspectives of 4 African women centering around their love lives but not at all limited to that singular aspect. I appreciated this book for exposing me to Nigerian food, what it’s like to be wealthy and Black, and the commonality around women navigating identity, ambition, motherhood and relationships. It’s a beautifully written text as well.
• The Float Test by Lynn Steger Strong: I love flawed characters and this book is full of them. Sibling rivalry, high school sweethearts, writers who have trouble negotiating relationships IRL. What I will say is: don’t listen to the final pages of this novel on your way to an in-person appointment. I learned that the hard way. Eek.
• Rich Girl Nation by Katie Gatti Tassin: This book is everything I wished I known about personal finances from a female perspective when I was in my twenties, but I’m thankful for the resource now. It covers investing, the beauty hamster wheel and how much is enough for retirement.
• Careless People by Sarah Wynn-Williams: I’ll just say, WOW. The stories are worse than I even imagined about Sharon and Zuck. But this is a very relevant book for understanding the billionaire class and learning the lesson that corporate America does not care about you, only profits. It also covers the darkest side of social media platforms in ways we all need to be knowledgable about.
• Matriarch by Tina Knowles: This is an amazing listen told straight from Tina’s tongue. It gave me a greater understanding of what it must have been like to live through the end of segregation as a Black American as well giving a peek into the soul and lived-experiences of Queen B’s beautiful mother. I haven’t finished this one yet but I’m loving every second.

(6) Home-life management

For most of my career, I’ve been fortunate to have a partner at home who takes a lot of the reigns, especially when it comes to cooking. For a long time, I was the bread winner and bill payer, but I rarely lifted a saucepan or turned on the dishwasher. Now our roles are reversed and it’s time for me to take my turn. Unfortunately, I still don’t love cooking – even when time is in my favor. I have been helping out, though. I’ve been meal planning, cooking vegetables from the CSA and feeding myself respectably after 14 years of having an organic cafe downstairs for lunch. This time off has been good for me and I do find a clean vegetable tray in the refrigerator a beautiful thing.

In addition to helping out in the kitchen, I’ve also used this time to get caught up on medical appointments. I wonder how did all of this with a full-time job? It’s a lot to manage when you have a 9-to-5. It’s been nice to not feel like I’m having to squeeze all this stuff in. And also, our health is worth it. I’ve been moving forward with a mouth device for my sleep apnea, working on dialing in my HRT and continuing with therapy. Also getting vaxxed because vaccinations save lives!

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So there you go: a summary of what I’ve been up to while unemployed. In between all of the above, there has also been 5-6 domestic trips ranging from South Texas to South Dakota, loads of concerts (follow me on Insta for that stuff) as well as hanging out with our friends and neighbors. Summer is such a special time for all of that and I’m grateful to have been more present in the experience. A year ago, we were in the midst of dealing with the death of my MIL, sunsetting the life of my soul dog, Penny, and I felt like I was drowning in an unfulfilling career. Last summer passed with heaviness and sorrow and that vibe continued for many months to follow.

It is such a relief now to be through that. Being on the other side, I see so many possibilities beyond just existing. You grow through what you go through, right? I’m very happy to report it’s harvest time. 🙂